Shrubs We do Not Like:
[Now that's a "Shrubbery", or see below]
Shrubs we do Not Like:
I have written about a few of these culprits in the past week or so, my offenders include:
- Juniperus chinensis ‘Hetzii’, the Hetzii juniper, you might as well throw the Pfitzer juniper in there as well. Is that 2? No matter, they both; uh, suck . . . professionally speaking.
- Euonymous alata, burning bush, burning bush, burning bush . . . I say no more.
- The “Common Privet”, doesn’t deserve to be recognized by it’s botanical name.
- Spirea x cineria ‘Grefsheim’, I do not apologize for picking on poor ‘Grefsheim”, heck this newer cultivar may actually be “okay-at best” . . . my pen, er, keypad is aimed squarely at Spirea-a rather unremarkable plant.
There are actually a few more I could add here, but I wish to take away no more thunder(my apologies Kim). So fire away this is your chance to vent to the entire World(well . . . whatever part of the entire World visits this Blog.) and tell us which shrubbery you would never plant and why.
Allright you’ve been given your quest, now deliver the goods”
Addendum: I just can’t help myself . . . every time I start talking about shrubs(what’s good, what’s bad) I kinda giggle inside because of this scene from a Monty Python movie.
With all due apologies to Monty Python, please do not sue me for posting this script:
Voice over: Meanwhile, King Arthur and Bedevere, not more than a swallow’s flight away, had discovered something.
Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
Arthur: Who are you?
Knight of Ni: We are the Knights who say….. “Ni”!
Arthur: (horrified) No! Not the Knights who say “Ni”!
Knight of Ni: The same.
Other Knight of Ni: Who are we?
Knight of Ni: We are the keepers of the sacred words: Ni, Ping, and Nee-womm!
Other Knight of Ni: Nee-womm!
Arthur: (to Bedevere) Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale!
Knight of Ni: The knights who say “Ni” demand….. a sacrifice!
Arthur: Knights of Ni, we are but simple travelers who seek the enchanter who
lives beyond these woods.
Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
Bedevere: No! Noooo! Aaaugh! No!
Knight of Ni: We shall say “Ni” to you… if you do not appease us.
Arthur: Well what is it you want?
Knight of Ni: We want…..
Arthur: A WHAT?
Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni!! Ni! Ni!
Arthur; No! No! Please, please, no more! We will find you a shrubbery.
Knight of Ni: You must return here with a shrubbery… or else you will never
pass through this wood… alive.
Arthur: O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a
Knight of Ni: One that looks nice.
Arthur: Of course!
Knight of Ni: And not too expensive.
Knight of Ni: Noowwwww…. GO!
Arthur: O Knights of Ni. We have brought you your shrubbery. May we go now?
Knight of Ni: Yes, it is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly.
But there is one small problem….
Arthur: What is that?
Knight of Ni: We are now no longer the Knights Who Say “Ni”!
Other Knights of Ni: Ni! Shh! Shh!
Knight of Ni: We are now the Knights who say “Ekky-ekky-ekky-ekky-z’Bang, zoom-Boing, z’nourrrwringmm”.
Other Knight of Ni: Ni!
Knight of Ni: Therefore, we must give you a test.
Arthur: What is this test, O Knights of…..
Knights who ’til recently said “Ni”?
Knight of Ni: Firstly, you must find….
Arthur: Oh not another shrubbery!!
Knight of Ni: (excitedly) THEN… Then, when you have found the shrubbery,
you must place it here, beside this shrubbery, only slightly
higher, so we get the two-level effect with a little path
running down the middle.
Other Knights of Ni: A path! A path! A path! Shh, shhh. Ni! Ni!
Knight of Ni: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the
mightiest tree in the forest…
Wiiiiiithh…. A HERRING!